Won't Miss #520 - shaking hands with Japanese people

When I was working for a correspondence school, we spent most of our days either correcting the homework that was sent in or conducting five-minute telephone lessons. When we were in a non-busy period, we wrote and made textbooks and other learning materials. One of the things my boss and I made was a guide to how to shake hands. Part of my work was drawing transparencies that illustrated the various types of "bad" handshakes and, as the final slide, a "good" handshake.

Somewhere in my archives, I have drawings of these types of typical Japanese bad shakes. They were the "dead fish" (limp and weak), the "bone crusher" (too hard by a mile), the politician (grabbing the other person's hand) and the finger shake (offering only two fingers). In group orientations, we'd often go out of our way to teach people precisely how to shake because they were often so bad at it. Even my private students had to be taught how to offer their hand, how many times to shake, how to grip, and when to release before taking part in interviews.

I don't miss the uncomfortable handshakes that I used to receive in Japan from people who believed that their way of greeting (bowing) was so sophisticated that they needed a detailed and explicit guide, but assumed that our way was so simple that they could just wing it. 

Won't Miss #17 - uncovered, open-mouth coughing (reflection)

If your germ-bra slips down, it's not going to protect anyone from disease.

One of my former high school classmates recently messaged me on Facebook to say that he was going to be meeting the head of a major Japanese company that had acquired his somewhat less major American company. He wanted any advice I could give him about dealing with this meeting. During our exchanges, he mentioned that a woman who went to Harvard or Yale or some impressive school and studied Japanese culture at a Buddhist monastery said that you had to carry a handkerchief, but she didn't say why and he wanted to understand the why of the things she told him. I guess really smart people don't have time for giving you reasons.

As far as I know, the reason most Japanese people carry handkerchiefs is to dry their hands in public restrooms that don't have dryers or paper towels, to wipe their brows in the horridly hot and humid weather, or to clean or wipe down surfaces that they want to sit on or interact with (like a wet bench after rainfall). The one thing they don't do with them is blow their noses or use them to cover their mouths while coughing. When I mentioned this to my husband, he joked that Americans didn't bother with handkerchiefs, to which I said that they didn't have to since they, by and large, didn't spray their bodily fluids omnidirectionally like a bacteria/viral shower when they were sick. We are taught to cover our mouths/noses when we do such things.

So, as you can see, I still don't miss all of the open-mouth coughing that I experienced in Japan and I haven't forgotten how gross it was. 

Will Miss #440 - group exercising

Shortly before my husband and I left Japan and were dealing with the hassle of getting an address change, we were led up to the super secret sorting area of the main ward post office. The time at which we were taken there was during the lunch hour and as we sat waiting for people to work out how to handle our (apparently) unreasonable request to have our mail sent to an address other than our former residence, a group of postal employees started listening to music and doing group exercises. Some of them were into it, others followed along gamely, but not enthusiastically, and one guy was clearly phoning it in as he did a lackluster wave here and there, a brief and restricted hip wiggle here. Most companies don't do group exercises like this, but the post office and some large traditional companies still do. Additionally, groups of old people and school kids still get together in parks and public places to exercise together at certain times. 

There's something inclusive and heart-warming about seeing people do this together despite how poorly some of them are capable of doing it and the public exposure. It's also, frankly, not a bad idea to encourage movement and health. It's a coming together of people and priorities, and I will miss seeing this type of group exercising. 

Will Miss #388 - husband thanking

This is actually a thank you sign at a rikshaw ride, but it's the only picture I have with the words "thank you" on it in English.

There's a custom/habit in Japan which sometimes receives a little flak from more feminist-oriented types, and no small resistance from at least a handful of the foreign wives of Japanese men. This custom is one in which wives thank their husbands for going to the office and earning money to support the family. The problem with this custom through Western eyes is that it comes across as the woman thanking her "master" of a husband for his contribution, while hers may go unrecognized. I don't know how it tends to work in each individual family, but I do think that it is a good custom in general. My husband is American, and I often express gratitude to him for working while I work part-time and do the housework, and he also thanks me for all I do to make life better for both of us.

I think that recognizing that a particular contribution is of value increases the chance that both parties will understand each other's contributions and that there is nothing subservient or anti-feminist about thanking the breadwinner for subjecting himself (or herself) to the daily grind while the other party looks after the home front, and I'll miss that.

Will Miss #214 - neighborly introductions

A towel I was given as a gift by a new neighbor when he introduced himself.

In Japan, there is a custom in which neighbors go door-to-door and introduce themselves when they first move into an apartment building. While this custom is not followed by every single Japanese person, it is done about 80% of the time in my experience. Usually, the new neighbor introduces himself or herself with some sort of small gift, such as a towel, soap, or food. Of course, when one moves, one is expected to carry out this ritual as well, even if one is a foreigner (but you are forgiven if you're not aware of the custom).

This is a nice custom which helps you recognize the new neighbors in your building and increases the chances of a friendly relationship with them and I will miss it.