Won't Miss #482 - credit where none is due

People have not yet given Japan credit for the invention of sliced bread, but I'm sure someone will eventually. 

One of the great things about living in Japan was that the world was full of numerous curiosities. I lived in perpetual comparative state. From the way in which the cups are shaped to the manner in which people line up to the way the walls looked, it was all different and therefore more interesting than life at home. Everyone who goes to Japan does this and many observations and conclusions are valid and interesting. Unfortunately, there are some who have a compulsion to so elevate Japanese culture and societal norms above those of their own culture that they give Japan credit where none is due. This is especially so for Americans who often are so self-conscious about coming across as jingoistic or overly patriotic sorts that they react by putting America down constantly to prove they're not those sorts unappealing types of people.

One of the dumbest claims I ever heard about Japan's unique and superior way to handle things was over the little plastic tubs of sugar syrup that are handed to customers when they buy cold beverages like iced tea. The woman who was saying America was inadequate for failing to provide such customer service went on about how everything was much more convenient and thoughtful in Japan. She made a common mistake when comparing cultures. She assumed her knowledge of America reflected the reality of being American and since she didn't encounter simple syrup in her lifestyle back home, she assumed it didn't exist in the U.S. The Japanese weren't superior about this, they merely were more wasteful in giving out plastic tubs of this sugary goo to everyone regardless of need.

I won't miss this tendency among foreigners to give credit where it is not due because they don't realize that they don't know everything about their home culture and don't bother to check. 

Won't Miss #430 - backwards names insistence

Ethnocentrism is sometimes reflected in big actions, but sometimes in the tiniest things. At the root of it all on the benign side is an inability to see that "familiar" does not mean "better". On the less appealing side is the notion that all that originates from ones own culture is inherently superior to that which comes from others. The latter comes from cultural insecurity. 

One of the things I accepted with equanimity in Japan was that I'd have to give my name in the order of family name, first name rather than in the usual way in the West  which is first name, family name. I had no problem with this. It's different, sure, but if you're communicating in Japanese, you do it their way to smooth communication and keep down confusion. 

When I'm teaching English, the goal is not simply for words to be exchanged in English. It is clear communication. I taught thousands of businessmen how to conduct conversations in English for their work and more than a few would fight me about giving their names in the Western way. Even when I explained that it would reduce confusion in business talk in English if they followed this way, they insisted that this was the Japanese way and that foreigners should know that was the Japanese way and figure it out without explanation. This sort of insistence was beyond stupid. If you're doing business in Japan in Japanese, do it the Japanese way. If your'e doing business in America in English, do it the American way. 

I won't miss dealing with people who treat this trivial point as if it were some cultural pissing contest.

Won't Miss #384 - Japanese (whatever) is "better"

Even the frozen French fries are better in Japan because, you know, they mix them with mini-weenies. 

Upon returning from a trip to Hawaii, one of my students asked me if I thought Japanese watermelon was sweeter than American watermelon. My truthful reply was that I've had sweet melon in both countries and relatively tasteless stuff in both of them. I've probably had more so-so watermelon in Japan simply because I've been an adult here longer and bought more of it. My student looked shocked at this reply and said that she really thought Japanese watermelon was "better". I will grant one thing; Japanese watermelon has a different taste and smell. It's not "better", but is absolutely "different". It's like American and Japanese pumpkin. Both are good, but have unique properties and need to be prepared differently to suit their strengths, but Japanese people are always telling me that all things Japanese are superior to all things American.

The bottom line is that we tend to like things the way we're used to them. It's entirely subjective, and it's tiresome hearing people say that everything from the food to the furniture design to the way in which people communicate is "better" in Japan than America, and I won't miss it.

Random Thoughts: The Big "E's"

Some time ago, I attempted to have a dialog with someone whose experiences in Japan and opinions as a consequence of those differences were rather different than mine. The exchange ended at an impasse because it was clear that we would never agree. It wasn't that there was fundamental disagreement, but we couldn't settle even on a basic structure on which to reach conclusions.

As an example of the kind of thing that brought us to an impasse, I'll share a summary of an exchange. He contested the often asserted statement that "Japan is a racist country". He asked how we could measure such a thing objectively. I said that, while it is hard to measure cultural aspects and human behavior objectively, we can look at the way in which society treats it's minorities. I suggested that the laws a country puts in place to protect or repress "outsiders" are a reflection of the values the citizens hold. He rejected this as an objective measure of the racist tendencies of a country. Since you can't rely on individuals to possess the self-awareness or honesty to say they have racist thoughts or carry out racist actions, it would seem that that would never work, but how much or little they cared would be reflected in laws. At that point, I knew that no matter what issue we discussed, there would be no way to agree because we'd spend all of our time arguing about where the bar should be placed rather than whether or not Japanese society was jumping over that bar or pretending it wasn't there.

One of the things which he said which I never responded to (for the aforementioned reason) was about equal treatment. That's the first of the "big E's" that I want to ponder. I said that I wanted to be treated like Japanese people treat one another rather than treated in an objectified or special fashion. His response to this was that we don't treat different people in our lives the same even within our culture, so why should the Japanese do so? This is true. We do not treat people the same all of the time. However, the basis upon which we decide to treat someone differently is of paramount importance.

I treat people differently based on role and familiarity. My family is dealt with more casually and with less emotional control than my students, who I have a formal business relationship with. "Customers", who are paying for your time and assistance, receive deference when their needs conflict with yours. This isn't a personal prejudicial choice or an arbitrary matter. It's the difference between being paid to assume a role and treat the other party as if they occupy the role they are spending their money to be in. Life is not a 100% equal experience, because relative roles and emotional and physical intimacy define the way in which we interact with people regardless of culture.

One thing that should not define the way in which we interact with people, in my opinion, is superficial observations and prejudicial thinking. I treat a customer as a customer regardless of the native country of that person, their eye or hair color, their skin tone, or beauty. The role of "customer" defines the relationship, not my personal judgment of that person based on some arbitrary aspect that I have an opinion about. Once that defines how someone is treated, it becomes an act of prejudice. In Japan, it has been my experience that I am treated differently based on nothing more than my appearance. People don't know if I speak Japanese well or poorly. They don't know my needs, character, or economic capacity, but they treat me differently simply because I am an "outsider". This is racism.

The reason that most white males (and the fellow I had the exchange with was a young, white British male) are often the target of criticism by minorities is that their status in nearly every society in which they dominate is one in which they have little to no experience with actual discrimination. Those who are advantaged and are rarely getting the short end of the stick when it comes to unequal treatment believe that it is inevitable and natural for there to be inequality or simply deny that it exists at all. After all, if they don't personally experience or witness it, it can't possibly exist. Is it any wonder that those who benefit from the status quo would prefer that it remain in place and defend it as a "natural" condition or claim that prejudice isn't real, but rather the oversensitive responses of minorities. The favored majority have nothing to gain and could lose much. It is only the people who suffer disadvantages who demand equality and advocate an egalitarian society (the second big "E").

In Japan, many white folks don't protest being treated differently because much of that treatment is favorable. They don't mind being pandered to, given special attention, or treated like mini-celebrities based on superficial characteristics. The status quo generally favors them, so they get angry when the issue of equality and inequality in Japan is discussed and wish to silence those who even mention it. They actively wish to repress those who advocate equal rights, because they're afraid of losing the advantages they get with their precious white skin or favorable nationality (North America, U.K., Australia, N.Z.). They fear the Japanese will get mad and stop treating them like darling poodles that deserve pampering if they are educated to treat foreigners less as exotic beasts from strange lands and more like normal human beings. What is more, foreigners may have to conform to the same expectations as Japanese and follow the same spoken and unspoken rules if there is a shift to equality. Most people would rather sit on their silk pillow, be fawned over and be forgiven for piddling in the corner (socially speaking) on occasion than be regarded and treated as equals. The reality is that sometimes the Japanese don't treat each other very well and equality would change the gaijin (foreigner) experience in negative ways for the most valued (i.e., occidental and white) ones, though it would likely improve it for those who are seen as less desirable (i.e., blacks, other Asians).

Though, I also have "precious white skin," I don't celebrate when people value me for it. I like people to value me for less arbitrary reasons because I've been in Japan long enough for the shine to have seriously dulled on being treated like a cute souvenir someone picked up when visiting a foreign land. I don't care how I'm treated differently (favorably or unfavorably) because of my appearance. I simply don't want to be objectified, defined, and prejudged at a glance. A lot of people don't mind this as long as it gets them favorable attention. This is like being the prettiest girl in the class for the first time in their lives, and many people see nothing wrong with it. I think that's an ego issue  and is at the root of the "Charisma man" image and personality. Having that sort of validation without effort for the first time in their lives is powerful and addictive, but it is also hollow. For many, empty validation is better than none at all, especially when they don't have to work for it and believe they "deserve" it. Is it any wonder Japan is such a magical place for many foreigners? It can bring about epic and life-long ego stroking and if you live in that head space long enough, you start to believe you're as special as they think you are. Of course, most people are thoroughly unaware of what drives them to fits of hostility when people advocate for equal rights for foreigners. They only know that they feel they have it pretty good and don't want any boat rocking.

In terms of expectations of an egalitarian society (another "E"), I reach my final "big E" and that is "ethnocentrism". There are those who would say that the expectation that Japan should be an egalitarian society, particularly coming from Americans who have constantly struggled to evolve into such a society (with debatable success), is merely a reflection of their applying their cultural expectations to another country. The oft-stated "it's their country" is supposed to silence voices which proclaim that Japan should do better by its foreign residents. How arrogant are we to expect that every country should treat all people equally just because America aspires to do so?

The argument that Japan should not be expected to treat people equally would hold more water if it weren't a democracy. What is more, it would be even more powerful if women were still walking nine paces behind men and equal opportunity and rights laws hadn't been passed (though not necessarily observed). And, even further, it would be more valid if Japanese people who traveled abroad and were treated with discrimination felt it was reasonable and to be expected when they are treated with prejudice. It is this final point that is quite interesting to me because if the Japanese expect equal treatment in other countries when they are outsiders, then clearly that means they believe strangers in strange lands should be dealt with equally. They may not exercise such behavior and their laws may not reflect it, but that is their expectation when they are the ones on the receiving end.

I've spoken with Japanese people who have been singled out at immigration for searches and questioning. I've also talked to people who have lived, studied, and worked in the U.S. for stretches of time in rural areas or areas in which Asian-looking faces are few and far between and who have been talked about, stared at and treated in an objectified fashion. Not one of those people talked about this experience with resignation or any notion that this was a reasonable manner in which to be treated. None of them felt that it was just fine to be treated differently based on their appearance, language, or native country. They were all mad, sad, and uncomfortable. They felt humiliated, demeaned and embarrassed. It is the height of hypocrisy and courting severe cognitive dissonance to say that it's okay for Japan to do this to foreigners, but not okay for it to be done to Japanese when they are the "foreigners". Not one person who defends Japanese prejudice (and there are plenty who do) would similarly defend such mistreatment of Japanese traveling abroad.

So, I don't believe it is ethnocentric to expect to be treated in the same manner that Japanese people treat each other when living in Japan when they expect to be treated like Americans in America. I also think that it's not unreasonable to believe a democratic society which is aspiring for equal treatment between its own citizens and is currently having a population problem and may need immigrants to solve it should be ready to work out a more egalitarian approach to "outsiders". The ethnocentrism argument and any talk about how "it's their country so they can do what they want" are little better than attempts to end the conversation with a note of finality because one has nothing better to offer. The world is shrinking and more interconnected than ever and the notion that Japan as a country (I'm not talking individuals here, I must be clear on that because I'm sure I'll be mis-read) gets to sit in its little corner treating the rest of the world like purple aliens from outer space the minute people step onto their soil is a destructive one. It only encourages the Japanese to embrace their specialness to the point of isolation and increases ignorance. In the end, with the continually sinking economy and almost certain increased reliance and interconnection with other countries, this will be to Japan's detriment more than anyone else's. Apologizing and making excuses for their racism isn't doing anyone, especially the Japanese, any favors at all.

Won't Miss #359 - "you can't/won't understand..."

One of the things Japanese people say to me when they're about to tell me about some cultural concept which they are aware is dissimilar in Western culture is "you can't/won't understand, but we Japanese (do whatever)." I know that this is offered up without any sort of negative connotations, but it is an immensely condescending thing to say. This is their way of saying, "as an outsider, you can't possibly understand this very Japanese way of thinking." It assumes that I am so ethnocentric that I can't wrap my head around a concept outside of my upbringing, or that the Japanese manner of thinking is so special and incredibly unique that I could never understand. Most recently, an older gent was telling me about how he met his wife and he started with "you won't understand... but it was an arranged marriage." Oddly enough, I am able to understand the fact that marriage used to be more of a business arrangement in order to connect two families rather than something based on feelings. To see the flip-side of this, imagine how it'd sound if I said to a Japanese person, "you won't understand this, but my husband and I married each other because we were (and still are) madly in love and practical issues like his family background, income, etc. were of no concern whatsoever." Sometimes people will simply cop out entirely and say, "you won't understand," and refuse to go any further.

I won't miss being told I can't possibly understand some Japanese cultural concept before I even have a chance to express my understanding or opinion of the topic.

Random Thoughts: Relativity Theory

Sometimes I have thoughts about living in another culture which I'd like to incorporate into blog posts here, but due to the format I have chosen, I can't really flesh them out effectively in any brief individual post. Rather than simply keep them to myself, or worse, forget about them entirely, I've decided to occasionally make a "random thoughts" post. This will be the 1000 Things equivalent to my "Variety Friday" posts on my other blog. This will in no way be a regular feature, but such posts may crop up from time to time, and reveal my naturally verbose nature. I hope they are of interest.

Recently, I was having a discussion with a student about stereotypes and whether or not they tended to reflect reality to some extent. Because she has been to France several times, I chose to ask her about the oft-cited stereotype of the rude and arrogant French person. Note that I am not endorsing this as anything other than a concept that exists in some minds. I've never been to France and am not sure I've ever even met a French person, so I'm in no position to evaluate the veracity of such a statement. She, however, was. My student said that in her experience, French folks didn't seem particularly rude, but also that they didn't seem especially helpful. She didn't really embrace the stereotype, but she didn't entirely reject it as ridiculous.

As we discussed this topic, one thing became clear to me which I have been aware of superficially for quite some time, and that is how all experiences are filtered through ones own culture based on a variety of factors. My student is a born and raised Tokyoite, and as such, she is accustomed to the cool, detached demeanor of many people here. People are mechanically polite in most service positions, but rarely authentically warm or overtly helpful. They rarely chat to strangers on trains and infrequently engage in chitchat at the check-out register. If a stranger attempts to strike up a conversation, most Tokyoites become uncomfortable to varying degrees depending on the circumstances. This is the norm in this particular area, but it is not the same in other parts of Japan. This isn't especially surprising because people who reside in big cities (all over the world) often respond to the overstimulation of city life by being reserved and detached. It's a way of coping with the stress on their nervous systems, not a choice to disconnect from other people. It's absolutely unconscious for most people.

When my student goes abroad, she is going to react to behavior from the perspective of someone with this sort of lifelong experience. French folks who are not especially helpful are not going to strike her as rude because their behavior isn't far from what she has experienced everyday of her life in Tokyo. For me, as someone who grew up in a rural Pennsylvania town in which people would stop to help a stranger with a broken down car, or go out of their way to strike up a convivial conversation with customers at shops, the cool nature may seem like overt rudeness. To me, they would seem to be deliberately holding back their friendliness from me, because I would see that as the norm. What they are truly doing is something that no one, save the involved party, can ever be certain of.

The bottom line is that no one, no one, can view life from a perspective other than their own. You can't objectify human behavior perfectly because you have to gauge things like rudeness, politeness, friendliness, etc. from a baseline and everyone will set that baseline according to primarily personal cultural norms and to a lesser extent broader cultural ones. If you think that you can set a "proper" baseline that everyone should reasonably work from, then you're not only ethnocentric, but arrogant as you demonstrate the belief that your notions of such things are "correct" and others are not. People in your own culture may not even agree on such norms, let alone those outside of it.

One of the reasons why I labor so hard (and rather pointlessly, it seems, based on some of the e-mail I get) to say that this blog is subjective is that I have been aware of this for such a long time. One of the reasons I tell people there is no one "truth" about Japan is that I am aware of the way in which cultural relativity affects responses to life abroad. Certainly, there are objective measures which can be used to suggest certain things, but the conclusions to be reached are dubious in most cases. For instance, is saying, "welcome" a good indicator of friendliness? The frequency of issuing a greeting is something which can be objectively measured, but in cultures in which people are trained and absolutely required to say "welcome", such as in Japan, is it an indication of friendliness or merely rote repetition of a phrase they must utter based on the rules of their employer? In Japan, it's absolutely the latter. So, even when you can establish objective criteria, how such results are to be interpreted and what they say is hard to determine, particularly without a strong cultural context.

From the discussion I had with my student, I found a good example of how our background and expectations affect our perceptions of a new environment. Some may argue with me that we can distill all behaviors into some sort of "average" from which we measure deviations and reach quantifiable results about cultural characteristics. It would be possible to derive some sort of scale on which to measure things, but how meaningful would such a scale be? A bunch of sociologists, psychologists, and anthropologists could create a consensus about such matters and pat themselves on the back, but the results wouldn't mean anything to the average traveler who would still be measuring the positive or negative sense of an experience from subjective criteria. Such a scale would be meaningless in any circle outside of academic ones. In the end, I think it's best just to accept that we are all going to see the world a little differently, and stop expecting to do otherwise, and what's more, stop telling others that they are "wrong" because they respond differently.

Won't Miss #142 - communicative "insecurity"

Part of my former office job was doing brief telephone lessons with students from all over Japan. In a very "light" year, I spoke to 500 students, but in a "heavy" year, I would speak to closer to 900. I was at that job for 12 years so it's no exaggeration to say that I have spoken to literally thousands of Japanese people in many populated areas. I can add the experience of hundreds of face-to-face conversations I've had and witnessed to the communication experience pool.

One thing that emerges is that there are very concrete differences in behavioral communication patterns in Japanese as compared to English. One of those differences is that Japanese people require much more frequent confirmation that you are listening and understanding them than English speakers. If you are not saying "yes", grunting in acknowledgment, or nodding your head until you develop a cervical spinal disorder, they feel something is amiss. I've had people say 3 or so words and stop speaking to wait for me to say "hai" (yes) and they stop more and more often if I don't do it. I've also been grunted at and "hai'd" (or "yes'd") so much that I don't think the other person could possibly be paying any attention to what I'm saying because they're so busy stuttering out affirmations over my speaking. I've also had people who I've occasionally nodded at and made regular eye contact with during the duration of their telling of a story ask me at regular intervals, "do you understand?" If I'm not saying I understand all of the time, they don't think that I am doing so. I always tell them that I'll tell them if I don't understand, not tell them I do constantly, but this never sticks for long.

Though I understand that Japanese communication styles are different, I will not miss this comparatively constant need for and offering of affirmation which I find disruptive and tiring.