Will Miss #491 - high interpersonal tolerance

Recently, I had an exchange with someone that revealed something I knew based on experience in Japan, but hadn't conceptualized in a concrete manner or verbalized. We all hear again and again that Japan is an intolerant society. The phrase, "the nail that sticks out gets hammered down," is known by most people with even a marginal interest in Japanese culture. However, during my time in Japan, I heard numerous stories of tolerance from keeping utterly inept, lazy, and inappropriate employees on the job to weird and troublesome relatives being accommodated in the home to keeping friends with idiosyncratic and highly annoying behavior. 

My experiences in America have crystallized my understanding of something and explained why so many Japanese people say Americans are "selfish". Americans are highly tolerant on a macro level. When they step out the door, they try to tolerate diversity among strangers and acquaintances, especially in terms of ethnicity. On a micro level, inside of their own homes, they are highly intolerant and will fuss and complain about small adjustments to the needs and behaviors of others based on their selfish and idiosyncratic concerns. The Japanese are the opposite, especially when it comes to family. When they step out the door and face the greater world, they are intolerant of differences, but inside of their homes, they will put up with and not complain about a much wider range of behaviors. They set aside their petty preferences in the interest of getting along. This sort of tolerance is rarely witnessed by foreigners because it is revealed through an intimacy to which few have access. To learn about it, you have to have a lot of experience and ask the right questions. 

I miss the high level of close interpersonal tolerance that I heard about and experienced in Japan.

Will Miss #239 - a culture of gaman

One of the character qualities that Japanese culture encourages and builds into it citizens is something called "gaman". It can mean slightly different things, but it essentially means to practice tolerance in the face of hardship rather than to complain, act out, or be confrontational. The manner in which this manifests in life here is that (the vast majority of) people tend to be patient with small problems rather than make an issue of them, and they will put up with considerable difficulties rather than walk away or quit. It's one of those things that many foreign folks don't notice right away, but often they benefit from it. You may do a myriad of things that annoy your neighbors, but many of them may choose to simply "endure" the difficulty rather than complain. Many foreigners also fail to practice "gaman" themselves and alienate Japanese people who feel that no reasonable person would complain about the trivialities that foreign folks do.

I will miss the culture of "gaman" and the way in which it encourages patience and cooperation rather than petty complaining and confrontation.