Will Miss #331 - rent contract terms

No, this is not where I live, but someone else does.

When I lived in the U.S., I lived in circumstances in which I didn't have to pay rent in both Pennsylvania and California. Lucky me. I only started forking over a pile of cash to a landlord upon moving into my Tokyo apartment, and I was annoyed at the key money and renewal fees, but figure that was the cost of business here. I've since come to learn that it is common, particularly in densely populated or highly desirable areas, for rent contracts in the U.S. to be shorter term (6 months to a year) and for there to be a rent increase upon every renewal. I also have learned that it's common to have to pay a penalty fee, a not insubstantial one, if the term of the contract is not completed. Rent contracts in Tokyo are for two years, rents rarely go up much, if at all, upon renewal of the contracts (and sometimes go down), and there is no penalty fee for leaving before the term is up.

I will miss these favorable rent contract terms.

Won't Miss #331 - foreigners speaking Japanese to me

Occasionally, I have foreign friends over to my apartment for dinner or socializing. Though such friends are native speakers of English, they sometimes do something which is one of my pet peeves, and that is tossing in random Japanese words for things which are absolutely unrelated to Japan or Japanese things. I'm not talking about using the word "sushi" or even "chikatetsu" (subway) or something which is inextricably linked to life in Tokyo as I understand the value of such usage. I'm not even talking about emotional concepts that work more effectively in Japanese such as "shoganai" ("what can one do"... the equivalent a verbal shoulder shrug). I'm talking rather about saying "sugoi" ("wow"), "ka na" ("right?"), or "desho" ("don't you think?") for which people have had perfectly serviceable phrases that they have used for most of their adult life before coming to Japan. Even short-timers will needlessly pepper their speaking with such phrases.

Usage of these phrases among native speakers strikes me as a verbal affectation or phoniness not too dissimilar from the way a pretentious person tosses in French words to show off their cultural sophistication and I won't miss it.

Will Miss #330 - shiba inu

Many dog lovers may already be familiar with this ancient breed of dog from Japan. The dogs are beautiful, intelligent, and generally gentle in nature. Since I can't have a pet, I have little interaction with these dogs aside from observation. Since I live in Japan, I see them a lot and their image is used in advertising quite frequently. They're beautiful dogs and lend themselves to some pretty cute imagery.

I'm guessing that after I leave Japan, it will become quite rare to see these dogs and their images, and I'll miss that.

Won't Miss #330 - having to wear pajamas

I'm going to confess that I preferred to sleep in the buff back home. I'm not some free-thinking anarchist or a hippy. I just prefer not to have to have clothes bunched up under me, tangled or giving me a wedgie when I sleep. It's simply easier to wear nothing, especially when it's hot or warm during the 5 months of summer or 2 months of rainy season in Tokyo. During the other 4 months of coldness, nothing is warmer than two nekkid bodies under a blanket. If you don't believe me, try it for yourself. Anyway, in Tokyo (and many other areas), it is monumentally imprudent to sleep au naturale because of quakes. You never know when the unlikely becomes reality and you'll have to make a mad dash for the street or have to climb out the window of the shaky remains of your dwelling.

I won't missing having to wear clothes to bed "just in case" there's a big earthquake.

Will Miss #329 - Japanese person/foreign nickname

Shirley McClaine is an American actress who is probably more famous for her new age spirituality at this point in time than her acting. One of the more curious facts about her is that her daughter is called "Sachi". Given that both of her parents are Caucasians and American, it seems odd for her to be called by a Japanese name (her real name is Stephanie). Similarly, it is odd in Japan when I meet a Japanese person and they tell me to call them by a Western name. While this doesn't happen often, it does happen. One of my students asked that I call him "Tom" because he said he looked like Tom Cruise (he didn't). My husband worked for several years at a language school in which almost every single student had a foreign nickname. I'm not sure why some Japanese folks want to be called by Western nicknames though I think that it may have something to do with making it easier on the foreigner to say their names or adopting a different persona when speaking English. Perhaps they are living the part in order to help them think more in line with the language, only they know for certain.

It always seems rather cute when Japanese folks request to be called by names like Mary, Bob and Tom, and I'll miss it.

Won't Miss #329 - limited diet soda options

Okay, let's get this out of the way first. Diet sodas are bad for me. They are the devil's sperm meant to inseminate me with their evil cancer-causing hobgoblins. I shouldn't drink diet sodas and if I "have to" have a soda, I should suck it up and drink the sugary stuff. Finished with your finger wagging and judging? Good, good. You are superior to me in every way and I bow to your greatness because you do not drink such vile concoctions. So then... I have no vices at all except I like a diet soda or two everyday (no booze, no drugs, no binges on junk food, no shopping except necessities, no cigarettes...you name it, I don't do it, so give me a break!).  Sugary sodas make my teeth ache and I'm none too fond of sugar crashes, so I like diet soda. Unfortunately, Japan has very few varieties of diet soda and when they expand a line into the calorie-free zone, they invariably withdraw it within a few months or only offer it seasonally. When I read about diet cherry or vanilla Coke back home, I shed a little tear at what I can't have (well, not really, but I'd like some new flavors less than once in a blue moon).

I won't miss the lack of variety among diet soda options in Japan.

Will Miss #328 - tsurushi bina

Japan has its own brand of folk art, and some of it is known well all over the world (origami or paper folding craft). Tsurushi bina, or stuffed dolls displayed on strings, bring to mind mobiles, are less known, but they have a unique Japanese flavor both in the design of the dolls and the way in which they are strung together. It is said that the dolls originate in Shizuoka prefecture in Japan and that each is infused with a prayer for the health and future of the daughters or granddaughters.

There is a distinct charm and a very humanistic quality to this type of folk art and I will miss it.

Won't Miss #328 - English practice moochers

One evening, my husband and I met up around 9:00 p in Nakano after long tiring days at our respective jobs. Our plan was to have a nice dinner and unwind after talking to people all day. As we were walking along, a stranger in a business suit rushes up alongside my husband and asks if we'll speak English with him at a bar. This was neither our first or last experience with random strangers just walking up to us and asking if we'd devote our free time to giving them what they want at no profit to us and without the context of an existing relationship. It is also not a rare experience among obviously foreign-looking folks. The odd thing is that people seem surprised when we don't jump at the chance to spend our evening in conversation with strangers so they don't have to pay for their English practice.

I won't miss people believing that it's okay for them to invade upon my private time to get free work out of me.

Will Miss #327 - cat cafes

Tokyo has quite a few "cat cafes" in which patrons can go in and play with cats as well as have drinks and food. As someone who loves cats, but isn't allowed to have one in her apartment, this is a pretty nifty service. I'm not sure, but I believe it's also the kind of thing which would never be allowed back home because of concerns about cleanliness when animals are mixed with food preparation and consumption areas. In Japan, there are very strict regulations to ensure safety for both the animals and the patrons.

The existence of cat cafes not only reflects a certain flexibility about how businesses can operate and a need to allow people to interact with pets on an incidental basis, but also trust that a business will do what is best when two tricky elements are mixed, and I'll miss that.

Won't Miss #327 - pet stores (and most zoos)

Pet stores in Tokyo in my experience are insanely depressing places. The animals are often in small cages in cramped and too hot or cold spaces. The animals seem to be largely ignored and are left in the cages overnight. Most of the cages are about twice the size of an animal carrier, and at least some of the smaller shops look pretty grubby as well. I can't even really bear to make a passing glance into them when I walk by because I feel so sorry for the animals. Similarly, I've heard that many of the Tokyo zoos have cramped and inadequate quarters for all but their most popular animals (e.g., pandas). I'm too scared to even go into one, but other foreigners who have gone to them have said it's just incredibly sad for the most part.

I won't miss the dismal and depressing state of many Japanese pet stores and zoos.

Will Miss #326 - gaijin smash

There is something that we foreigners do which I'm frankly embarrassed to admit that I have done in the past. For those who have never heard the term "gaijin smash", it is essentially a way for foreigners to bully the Japanese into allowing them to have their way. This happens because the Japanese tend not to like conflict and will often capitulate to avoid making a scene and because sometimes they are more intimidated about dealing with a foreigner. A foreigner may use the gaijin smash for a variety of reasons. One reason may simply be about getting ones way, but one of the biggest ones is that sometimes you are simply being jerked around because you are a foreigner or there is some sort of bureaucratic nonsense going on. A lot of the time, the gaijin smash is a shortcut through a steaming pile of bull cookies (often, but not always, served exclusively to foreigners) that one takes out of a sense of intense frustration.

Though I very, very rarely use it, I will miss at least having the option of using the gaijin smash when I'm being put through crap for no good reason. I'm not in any way proud to admit it, but it is a form of "power" that will not be available to me when I go home.

Won't Miss #326 - the peanut gallery

A former stalker of mine once spent several months in Japan and found how she was treated so unbearably that she fled back home in a state of depression and sought medication. Since returning there, she seems to have forgotten how she felt about being treated like a purple multi-tentacled alien and seems to jump on a soap box every time someone who actually lives here has a complaint about something. She's great at telling us how we should feel as she speaks from the comfort of her native country. She's also not alone. There are a great many people who don't live here and who are "experts" on how I "should" react about things they personally don't have to put up with. You can't know what it's like to inhabit this reality unless you, too, have truly and deeply lived it for the duration. There's a vast difference between how you feel about your first trip to immigration and your 5th, 10th, or 20th and being gawked at a few times and putting up with it everyday for years on end.

I won't miss the peanut gallery who tell me how I "should" feel about life here when they have limited, little or no experience with the workaday reality.