Won't Miss #416 - free-range children

As I mentioned in the previous post, kids in Japan can run around by themselves and there are few cases in which it ends in tragedy. At this point in time, there just isn't much risk that kids will be abducted (fortunately). However, it is very common for parents to take their children's safety for granted, particularly when they are with them. I've seen uncountable numbers of parents with children who are just past toddling age who allow their kids to run far out ahead of them, including approaching streets through which cars are passing. It's also not uncommon for parents to allow their kids to clumsily run around on train platforms as they chat or play around with their cell phones.

Perhaps I'm just paranoid as a non-parent, but it seems that Japanese parents worry little about where their kids run around in public and I won't miss thinking that they take their safety for granted or rely on strangers to keep an eye on their kids.

Will Miss #415 - unescorted children

The little boy pictured above got on the JR (Japan Railway) train when I was headed to work in the early afternoon one day. He bounced around the car a bit and I realized that he was all alone and that this was not a rare situation. Little kids in Tokyo ride the train alone as well as walk around various neighborhoods. Kids in Tokyo can do this because there is little fear of child abduction in Japan. 

I will miss living in a culture in which small children can walk around without an adult because it is safe enough for them to do so.

Won't Miss #224 - (s)Mothers and kyoiku mamas

Disclaimer (aka, please do not sue me): I'm not saying this lovely woman with her daughter is a kyoiku mama or overprotective because she's holding her little girl close. This is just a picture taken at a shrine on New Year's of a parent and seemed to fit the very general theme and is not meant to imply anything about this fine woman's character.

Though I have never been held hostage as part of a captive audience by an overenthusiastic parent, there are some problems with mothers in Japan, particularly if you are a teacher. Some mothers are over-involved with their children's lives to an unhealthy extent, particularly their education and any aspect related to their academic careers (like club activities). There's a term for women who relentlessly push their children to study, kyoiku mamas, and there are also women who simply insert themselves where they don't belong as part of their kid's education. Some mothers insist on standing at the back of the classroom during every lesson and interfere with lessons. Some of them dictate every little action to the teachers or bully or intimidate them. I once taught a mother who clearly dragged her son along to her English lessons and then dominated the lesson by translating for him and even incorrectly "correcting" his English instead of allowing me to do my job.

I won't miss these women who are so controlling with their children that they push them and me around.

Will Miss #223 - modesty about children

One of my students was looking for some English blogs to read to gain experience with "real" English. I chose a blog written by a foreign woman married to a Japanese man who who is currently living in Japan. I made this choice so she could relate to the experiences and perhaps understand the subjects being discussed more easily. When she looked at the blog, she was shocked by the way the woman had pictures of her children plastered all over it. She found it boastful and immodest and said that a Japanese mother, generally speaking, wouldn't be so over the top in promoting her children. I have noticed in my many years in Japan, that Japanese people don't bore people by going on and on about their kids. This is part of a culture which values modesty, but also I've noticed that Japanese people tend to be more sensitive to the interests of the person who is being spoken to. If you're not a parent, they are aware of the fact that you may not be enthralled listening to how wonderful potty training has been going.

I will miss this sort of modesty and restraint when it comes to parents and talking about their children.

Will Miss #105 - strong sense that kids are wanted

In Japan, I have never had the sense that parents want nothing more than for their kids to grow up and get out of the house so they can get on with their lives. Many American parents seem to have a lot of ambivalence about their children and the way in which having them takes away their freedom personally and economically. While I'm sure some Japanese parents feel this way, too, as a society, I don't get a strong sense of this the same way I get it from the West. In Japan, it certainly seems that children are completely wanted and seen as more important than the needs or desires of the parents.

I'll miss this sense that people who have children actually want them and see them as fully integrated members of the family forever rather than someone to be pushed out of the nest at the earliest possible chance.