Won't Miss #437 - "Mrs. (My Last Name)"

The confusion that Japanese people have with foreign names and first and last names is understandable given the differences in how family and first (given) names are offered in respective cultures. When students called me "Mrs. Shari", I knew why. However, there is another layer of complexity which I struggled with and my students never seemed to understand or act upon even when they actually did understand. In Japan, by law, a person must take the family name when marrying. The man can take his wife's family name or she can take his family name, but they have to have the same family name. In America, a woman can keep her own family name so a married woman should not be addressed as "Mrs. (her maiden name)". She should be called "Ms. (her maiden name)". I kept my family name because I made a mistake on my marriage license, but that ended up being easier anyway as I never had to modify my passport, driver's license or Social Security information. However, it did mean that I could not be called "Mrs. (my maiden name)". That is how my mother would be addressed, but not me.

My students insisted on calling me "Mrs. (my maiden name)" because they could not compute any other way of addressing me with the knowledge in hand that I was married (a fact the Japanese staff shared with them, not me). While I understood the confusion, this rigidity in thinking and inability to accept that I'd like to be addressed as "Ms." became frustrating over time and I won't miss it.

Won't Miss #430 - backwards names insistence

Ethnocentrism is sometimes reflected in big actions, but sometimes in the tiniest things. At the root of it all on the benign side is an inability to see that "familiar" does not mean "better". On the less appealing side is the notion that all that originates from ones own culture is inherently superior to that which comes from others. The latter comes from cultural insecurity. 

One of the things I accepted with equanimity in Japan was that I'd have to give my name in the order of family name, first name rather than in the usual way in the West  which is first name, family name. I had no problem with this. It's different, sure, but if you're communicating in Japanese, you do it their way to smooth communication and keep down confusion. 

When I'm teaching English, the goal is not simply for words to be exchanged in English. It is clear communication. I taught thousands of businessmen how to conduct conversations in English for their work and more than a few would fight me about giving their names in the Western way. Even when I explained that it would reduce confusion in business talk in English if they followed this way, they insisted that this was the Japanese way and that foreigners should know that was the Japanese way and figure it out without explanation. This sort of insistence was beyond stupid. If you're doing business in Japan in Japanese, do it the Japanese way. If your'e doing business in America in English, do it the American way. 

I won't miss dealing with people who treat this trivial point as if it were some cultural pissing contest.