Won't Miss #503 - the "insult and smile"

It wasn't the least bit uncommon for Japanese people to say rude things about me to one another in Japanese. In some cases, I think they felt I could not understand and, in others, I think they didn't care if I did. It happened with such regularity that I started to take it in stride. That being said, there was another level of this behavior which did make me angry and that was when people would say something rude about me to a compatriot and then turn around and notice I was looking at her (it was always a "her") and then smile sweetly and nod at me as if exercising some sort of courtesy or kindness to the dumb foreigner.

This sort of nastiness followed by some sort of fake niceness was far worse than the casual rudeness that people indulged in at my expense and I do not miss it. 

Won't Miss #492 - competitiveness about "correct" English

Before coming to Japan and encountering people from many other English-speaking countries, I never gave a second thought as to whether one type of English was "true" English. After working around people from England, New Zealand, Australia, and Canada, I've come to realize that there is an attitude of competitiveness about which type of English is "correct". To me, "colour" and "color" are simply two ways of spelling the same word, not grounds for arguments about linguistic origins and which is "right" or "wrong" (as both are in respective dictionaries for each region's English), but you'd be surprised how it can set off a battle among more territorial English speakers. A big part of the reason this becomes an issue in Japan is that most Japanese people are taught American English, and this sticks in non-American craws. Personally, I teach from British-based as well as American-based texts and teach my students that all of it is correct English, but this is not a sentiment that is shared by all other foreigners.

I won't miss this petty competitiveness about what sort of English is the best or "correct".

Random Memories #9

The filter through which we interpret things changes as time goes by. One of the reasons that older folks tell us snot-nosed kids that we'll learn one day is that they remember when they were just as naive as we were and thought they knew it all and now realize they knew far less than they thought. One of the reasons that I lost patience with people who were newbies in Japan was that they resisted the notion that their perspective, while absolutely valid and understandable, was viewed through a filter with very limited capabilities to interpret their experiences. Of course, the only thing worse than a noob was a jaded vet. Clearly, no one can win with me. ;-)

When I look back on my old memory albums, I have a sense of almost missing how I interpreted the things I saw at that time. There is something appealing about being baffled, amused, or misunderstanding something based on ones naivete. Life related to Japan was more fun before I understood so many things. I guess that's why it is great to be a child much of the time and sometimes so depressing and mundane being an adult. Experience brings wisdom and knowledge, but it also takes away some of the magic, whimsy, and fun that come along with blissful ignorance.

One of the things that I did not know when I was first sent this flyer was that the reason it was called a "flesh basket" was because there is no way for Japanese people to determine whether a letter is an "l" or an "r" when reading from Japanese (katakana) to English. That's because the l/r sounds as we conceptualize them don't exist in Japanese. It's a somewhat different sound that falls a bit between them.Thinking of this as a basket designed to fill with skin was a lot funnier than knowing that it's a problem with translation. Of course, even calling it a "fresh basket" would be a bit goofy, but not nearly as strange as thinking the guy making the dress in "Silence of the Lambs" would have one of these around for his material gathering.

Won't Miss #424 - being treated like a dictionary

My husband and I have played a certain video game for well over a decade. Part of this game is facing stacks of creatures with ambiguous descriptions of their size like "lots", "several", and "pack". There's a guide online that tells you the number each one of those represents and my husband learned what they meant long ago. As for me, I just ask him every time and never learned for myself. I mention this because if you have someone who will easily answer your questions rather than do the work of looking things up yourself, you have a much lower chance of retaining information. Because of this, I get very annoyed every time I teach a student and they treat me like a translation dictionary. They ask, "how do you say (Japanese word) in English?" They do this with an electronic dictionary in front of them or with a cell phone with a built-in dictionary tucked into a pocket. It irks me when they do this because I'm not there as an answer bot, but more so because I know that they'll never remember the translation if they don't find the information for themselves. Sometimes I end up translating the same word for the same person over and over again if I give in and just tell them.

I won't miss being treated like a handy dictionary for people who are supposed to be trying to learn a language and all too often seem to believe that spoon-feeding answers is an effective way to learn a foreign language.

Won't Miss #407 - bicycle/bike confusion

Neighborhood kitty doesn't care what word I use. It just wants a place to sleep.

Sometimes the simplest conversations get tangled in a web of confusion and the use of the word "bike" in Japan always seems to spin this web. When I'm speaking in English with a Japanese person and ask, "have you ever had your bike stolen," and the answer will be, "I don't have a bike." That same person may have mentioned previously that he or she indeed has a bicycle, but this is a Japanese-English problem. In Japan, "bike" means "motorbike" or motorized scooter. You may not think bicycles are going to be discussed all that much, but, in Tokyo, more people use bicycles than cars by a huge margin. It becomes very frustrating and tiresome having to modify my natural and absolutely correct English to suit the manner in which Japanese-English works.

No matter how many times I tell students that, in English, "bike" and "bicycle" are one and the same, there will be a miscommunication any time this simple topic is broached and I won't miss it.

Won't Miss #393 - using Japanese English

I don't mind if Japanese people use Japanese English (as opposed to "Engrish", which is a whole other kettle of fish) because it is understandable that they do. If I'm teaching them, I just point out that they shouldn't use it and tell them the correct words or phrases. Unfortunately, sometimes you find yourself being unable to make yourself understood unless you resort to using it yourself. At my former job, we used to ask people what their "outstanding feature" was in regards to their appearance. The Japanese translation that we were told to use, tokucho, was confusing because the students would answer about their personalities, not their countenance. The best way to get what you wanted was to ask the student what his or her "charm point" was because this was a Japanese English term that was popular at the time. Sometimes, when you've struggled to get your point across in English and then Japanese and have still failed, you find yourself resorting to using these terms and it always makes me feel bad for doing so. I'm supposed to be teaching proper English, not using weird phrases because it expedites understanding.

I won't miss how I feel like I've failed miserably when I resort to using Japanese English to make myself understood. 

Won't Miss #390 - dirty looks for English

I always get gawked at in public because of my appearance. Though I don't like seeing people do triple takes when they see me and just have to look back again and again, it's usually just basic rudeness. When my husband (who is also American) and I are out walking around, we, rather reasonably, speak English to each other. It's important to say here that we are not loud talkers. We speak at a reasonable volume, certainly no more loudly than other people having conversations and a good deal lower than more raucous groups of Japanese people or those on cell phones. However, when we speak English to each other, occasionally someone (usually a man), will whip his head around as if an insult had been lobbed like an errant glob of expectorant at the back of his head. A malevolent look, sometimes for the duration of our remaining in each other's presence, is directed our way. Recently, we were subjected to about 9 minutes of nasty looks and disgusted sounds for speaking to one another in the presence of a particular man while riding on a train. It's as if the very act of speaking our native tongue to one another is unspeakably inappropriate behavior and our insistence on continuing to engage in such behavior incites rage on the part of the offended party.

I won't miss people who think I've engaged in some sort of horrific social faux pas for having the audacity to speak my native tongue in public when having a private conversation with my husband.

Will Miss #360 - "happy basuday to you"

I don't have a picture of someone singing at a birthday party, but this is the tart I had for my 47th birthday this year. It was fatty and delicious, and the picture is the best I can do for something which is birthday-related.

Japanese folks celebrate their birthdays generally with a visit to a restaurant for what they call a "party", but is actually a nice get-together with friends. At such get-togethers, what you usually see is a happy group of Japanese folks in a Japanese restaurant in Japan who will at one point or another sing "happy birthday". Entirely in English. Only in English. The Japanese don't have their own celebratory song and haven't translated the one we all know so well into their own language.

There is something awesome about the fact that an all-Japanese gathering is celebrated with an entirely English song in a country which struggles so long and hard to learn the language and I'll miss that.

Won't Miss #354 - (almost always) being at a disadvantage

My brother-in-law, who is also American and lives in Japan, recently bought a house in Japan. He had an experience which illustrated the point I'm about to make all too well and that is that foreigners always operate at a disadvantage when conducting business in Japan. Even if you speak Japanese well and have a native along with you to clarify and digest information, there is always wiggle room for the Japanese businesses to place the blame for any "misunderstanding" on you or to simply cheat you and say it was a communication problem. This is part of what motivates foreigners to break out the gaijin smash. When you are treated as if everything is your fault because you couldn't possibly be comprehending the language properly because of your foreignness, you have limited options. You can bend over and take it, or you can become aggressive.

I won't miss feeling like I'm always at a disadvantage when doing business.

Will Miss #344 - new word inventions

"First food, fast food", "to-may-to, to-mah-to".

Because I spent over a decade doing work which required me to correct written English, I have a very good grasp of what Japanese people commonly mishear when they listen to my native language. They not only write these odd concoctions when they take dictation, but they use them in their own expressions without checking the dictionary to see that what they are saying are actually words or phrases in English. Among the things I experienced people writing again and again were "firstable" which is what many people though "first of all". I sometimes wonder if there are English-Japanese dictionaries out there with "firstable" as a word considering how many times I've heard/read it.

I'll miss the amusing ways in which people invent new "words" based on what they thought they were hearing.

Won't Miss #334 - people who pretend to understand

One of the things I never had to contend with when I shared the native tongue of the people around me was people who didn't understand me pretending to understand. Whether the language being used is Japanese or English, there always seems to be a fair amount of nodding and the equivalent of saying, "uh-huh", when it's clear that one is either not being understood or is not being carefully listened to. When speaking English (such as to students), this happens because the Japanese person doesn't understand, but doesn't want to let on that he or she doesn't comprehend. When speaking Japanese, the other person doesn't want to embarrass you by revealing that your Japanese was incomprehensible to them.

No matter what the cause, situation or language, I won't miss having people pretend to understand when they do not.

Will Miss #281 - cooking terms without pretense

I like to cook, and I follow several cooking blogs and a few forums. There is something that drives me crazy and that is people who use Japanese words instead of perfectly reasonable English equivalents because they're trying to sound like they know something other people don't. They're the types who like to toss around words like "umami" when they could say "savory" or "meaty" or who say even dumber things like "panko breadcrumbs" (which, incidentally, means "breadcrumbs breadcrumbs") instead of "Japanese breadcrumbs".* I don't have a pet peeve about Japanese words that are used when there is a lack of an adequate English equivalent, e.g. "sushi","miso". I only get irked when I sense that people are are going out of their way show off their knowledge about food by tossing in Japanese terms unnecessarily.

I'll miss hearing Japanese cooking terms because that's the language being spoken rather than because someone is trying to show off their culinary sophistication.

*When participating in such (English language) forums or commenting on web sites, I never use Japanese words when serviceable English is possible.

Won't Miss #270 - eyes open, ears closed

"Speak, Hear, and See No Evil" statues at a local stone-working shop. The Japanese believe they invented this concept, incidentally.

My brother-in-law likes to tell a classic anecdote from his early days in Japan which beautifully illustrates the mental wall that goes up between a Japanese person and a foreigner the minute the former lays eyes on the latter. He speaks Japanese well, particularly conversational Japanese and the types of phrases used in everyday life, so he doesn't try to speak English to people. One day, he got in a cab and in perfectly normal and correct Japanese (not weird, textbook Japanese), he told the driver where he would like to go. The driver turned around and says, "I no speaku Engrish."

Some Japanese people believe they can't communicate with you before you even open your mouth and don't even listen to what you say even when you speak to them in their own language, and I won't miss that.

Will Miss #258 - language schools (the good)

A Geos poster, implying that you'll be in one big happy family with foreigners and Japanese alike if you attend their school. Of course, it's too late now since Geos folded.

While there are problems with working at language schools (related mainly to cultural differences and working expectations), the experience carries some unique benefits. The main one is that it is often an ideal environment for newcomers to Japan. You work with a variety of other foreigners with varying levels of experience in Japan. They not only share their knowledge and strategies for getting things done here in a way that fast forwards you through the process of settling in to life in Japan (with all of the complex rules and logistical differences), but they form an instant support network and social group for weathering culture shock. My early days in Japan were spent working at the now defunct Nova conversation school. I made some friends, some very good ones, who helped me cope with the plethora of things I needed to learn. I remember those people well despite the relatively brief time I spent at Nova.

I'll miss the social atmosphere and learning experience of working at language schools.

Won't Miss #235 - "do you speak Japanese?"

Some questions when asked have nothing but bad intentions behind them, and this is one of them. Note that there are only two types of people who ask me this question. One is students in language lessons who are supposed to only deal with me in English and my Japanese language ability has nothing to do with them (as I'm not going to speak Japanese to them regardless). The others are native-English-speaking foreigners who want to judge me based on what they believe my abilities "should" be. Foreigners in particular like to use other foreigners to size up their linguistic skills so they can feel superior (or decide if they are inferior). This question is a bit like someone asking another person's weight. It's none of their business and is only asked as a way of judging you.

I won't miss being asked about my Japanese language capability.

Will Miss #226 - English, right where you need it

 A mailbox has English information (and braille) about collection times and what sort of mail goes into respective mail slots. Click to see a larger version that can be read.

When I first came to Japan, kanji (Chinese characters) were everywhere and I couldn't understand a thing. In fact, I once went into a panic in Ikebukuro station during the early days when I worked in that area because I got turned around and couldn't read the signs to figure out which train to take. These days, Tokyo has turned into a relative paradise for those who are not fluent in Japanese. Most of the time, you can find simultaneous English language translations in important places. Our local government office distributes guides in English and offers free translation services one or two days a week for those who need it. In the U.S. right now, there is a lot of complaining about accommodating Spanish speakers by offering bilingual services (and talk of making English an "official language"), and it makes me feel sad because I think that it's not about catering to a specific group, but rather about recognizing that the world is becoming a smaller place. Note that a Japanese person has never told me that they resent the presence of English in their culture, though I know that such a thing probably wouldn't be relayed to me even is it were felt (because it would seem insulting to me as a foreigner).

Even when I don't need the English, I appreciate seeing it (and recognize the effort being made and the expense of it) because it shows a willingness on the part of the Japanese to accommodate tourists and foreign residents, and I will miss that.

Will Miss #220 - finding a communication key

One of the things that invariably happens when you live in a country where you do not speak the native language is that some things come up which you don't know the proper word for. This happens because some language is specialized, and you don't tend to learn it, or you learned it once, rarely used it, and simply forgot it. When this happens, you have to puzzle out a non-language-based way to make yourself understood and it's an awesome feeling when you find the key that opens the communication lock outside of the use of words. Sometimes it's gestures. Sometimes it's pictures. And sometimes it's a common education link that is apart from language. One of my favorite experiences was being able to convey the meaning of the element "lead" by writing it's abbreviation (Pb) on the periodic table for a student.

I'll miss the satisfaction and challenge of finding one of these non-linguistic keys to communication.

Will Miss #204 - Unamerican American things

There are a lot of products in Japan which have the prefix "American" which are nothing at all like what is sold in America. For instance, a weird batter-dipped hot dog (resembling a corn dog, but not really the same thing) is sold as an "American dog" and there are Tabasco-flavored chips sold as "American Potato Chips." One of the most pervasive ones is "American coffee", which is rather watered-down coffee that is too weak. Japanese people don't seem to realize that the things marketed in their culture as "American" are not the same preparations as those actually sold in America.

I often get a kick out of what the Japanese believe is American, and the types of products that are incorrectly assigned the "American" label.

Won't Miss #173 - watching crap TV because it's in English

Yes, I watched the horror of Bridget Jones 2 just because it was what was on in English.

Sometimes you're sitting at home having a bad day, feeling sick, or just generally lethargic. You don't feel like tangling with anything that taxes your limited mental resources and you turn on the T.V. for a little passive entertainment. The last thing you want to do is try to tangle with a foreign language so you start flipping the channels to find something, anything, that is aired in English that will allow you to sit there slack-jawed and be vaguely occupied. Part of the problem with living in Japan is that the English-language options aren't vast so you find yourself watching absolute crap on T.V. just because it's in English.

I won't miss embarrassing myself by watching garbage T.V. just because it is what is on in English.

Will Miss #150 - different movie names

One of the more interesting aspects of life in Japan is seeing how Western movies have had their names changed to make their themes more clearly understood. More often than not, the name change is pretty straightforward like "Ratatouille" was changed to "Remy's Restaurant". Sometimes, they're a little less direct and strip the nuances from the title like "As Good As It Gets" becomes "A Romance Novel Writer".

I'll miss seeing the changes made to movie titles for the Japanese audience and trying to work out what the rationale was behind them.