Will Miss #452 - no "straight jacket"

Though I lived in a country which is seen (often justifiably) as a conformity factory, all countries and even individuals expect you to react and behave in a certain manner within that culture. Even a highly individualistic culture like that in the United States has expectations of people. The main difference between Japan and the U.S. is that individuals have their own ideas about how you should think, feel, and react whereas, in Japan, society has rules and general expectations of how you should think, feel, and react. The straight jacket for you in America is custom-made and tailored to fit based on the particular notions of the person who is dealing with you. The one Japanese have is mass-produced and looks the same on everyone. In the U.S. , there are no societal norms about behavior, but there are still individual notions of what people "should" do, think, and feel and what they believe is "right". Generally, each person feels what is right is to be just like them.

I realize now that I am back in situations in which I'm expected to be a certain way that one of the things which attracted me to Japan was that I was largely free of any specific expectations other than that I be "different". I miss the fact that there was no behavioral straight jacket on me in Japan and that I was as close to being "free to be me" with less censure or negative feedback as I'm likely ever going to be in my life.

Will Miss #450 - solid identities

When I was growing up, I was a rabid KISS fan. Some of my more attentive readers with good memories may recall this fact from some of my previous ramblings. One of the reasons I loved being a KISS fan and found it so hard to stop being one long past the point of actually liking the band was that a huge part of my identity was wrapped up in my association with the group. Like many young people who went through an identity crisis, I found a bunch of people who seemed to be "like me" and built a lot of who I perceived myself to be around that. This was something I needed to do because society at large wasn't giving me any clues as to what it was to be "American". In fact, if society told me anything, it was that Americans had no real identity. We were part of a crazy stew of diversity.

The Japanese lack this mixture, and as a result, they know who they are. They don't have to reach as far afield to know what their identity is and as a result are a lot less sensitive about trivial things. What is more, and I think this is one of those hidden aspects of life in Japan for some foreigners which they are gratified by, but don't even realize is valuable to them, they give us a solid identity as well. We are "gaijin". We know who and what we are because the Japanese tell us so. For people who have just graduated from university ("student") or have faced a life transition ("mother", which is lost as part of empty nest syndrome) and who lose an identity, the power of being given a definition of self is not to be underestimated and even a negative identity is better than the gaping emptiness of not knowing who you are. 

While I was never happy to have it crudely and rudely pointed out to me, I nonetheless miss the fact that I had a solid identity in Japan and could relate to the Japanese people in a particular way because they who knew they were. 

Will Miss #382 - not taking impersonal things personally

He's probably not even a KISS fan.

One of the drawbacks about people who live in cultures with a great emphasis on individuality is that the people who comprise that culture often don't know who they are or what they define themselves by. This results in people defining themselves by trivial matters such as the soda brands they drink, the sports teams they follow, political party, choice of computer platform, or the musicians they favor. They define themselves by a plethora of external factors which really have little to do with who they really are because their cultures don't offer a solid definition. In Japan, people are defined by their characteristics as Japanese people and generally do not identify as strongly or personally with trivial external factors. You're quite unlikely to encounter a Japanese person who will judge you poorly because you bought a Macintosh and they own a PC or who will get angry with you because you express dislike for a musician they love. I wish I could say the same for people back in the U.S., who, at times, are inclined to foam at the mouth when you say something about loving Coke when they love Pepsi because it's not a knock at a brand of beverage, but rather a shot at who they see themselves to be.

Most Japanese people's identities aren't so mired in such things so they don't take these impersonal factors personally, and I'll miss that.