Won't Miss #509 - foreigners who don't want foreign friends

There's a knee jerk reaction that some (usually long-term) foreigners have toward other foreigners. They say that they don't want foreign friends and don't associate with other foreigners. Some of them have what sound like reasonable excuses, like they don't want to spend all of their time speaking English. Trust me when I say that no one spends so much time with a friend that opportunities to speak Japanese are seriously undermined. Others simply claim they don't like foreigners, as if we're all exactly the same and can be summarily dismissed. The bottom line is that this is a prejudice and a psychological problem that some foreigners have. I'm not suggesting that foreign folks instantly like or seek to become friends with other foreigners, but rather that they also should not instantly reject them based on being foreign either. If a person in America were to instantly dismiss an entire group based on some arbitrary characteristics, no one would see it as understandable or reasonable. They would see it for what it is, a form of prejudice.

I don't miss this bigotry that some foreign people adopted after coming to Japan.

Won't Miss #209 - friendship issues

There are a lot of problems with being a foreigner and trying to make friends (as opposed to friendly acquaintances) with Japanese people. The primary problem is that you are always seen as an outsider, and always will be one. Japanese society isn't one which has been based on the integration of various cultures nor does the culture typically embrace diversity (not even amongst themselves). Many Japanese people seek your company for a variety of reasons including the novelty of associating with a foreigner and the potential for free English practice. Forming a friendship with you which is like the bonds they share with their native-born friends is rarely one of those reasons. There are also cultural differences standing in the way. Japanese communication and in particular their willingness to be vulnerable emotionally (and therefore promote deeper intimacy) is very different from that of people in other cultures. It's not impossible to form deep, meaningful bonds with Japanese friends, but it is an order of magnitude more difficult due to cultural differences and perceptions of who you are (and aren't) as a foreigner.

I won't miss the difficulty in making meaningful, deep friendships.

Won't Miss #189 - time zone adjustments

One of my friends always says that I "live in the future", because it's usually tomorrow here and yesterday there. I talk to this friend in California (the west coast of the U.S.) and my sister in Pennsylvania (east coast) several times a week and there's always adjusting to be done to try and work out what time(s) it is for them when it's whatever time it is for me. This situation is complicated by daylight savings time altering these adjustments twice a year.

I won't miss constantly adjusting the clock and having to figure out what time it is "there" when it's whatever time it is here.

Will Miss #119 - diversity of friends

One of the best things for me about working in Japan is that I have not only met and gotten to know a lot of Japanese people, but also people from all over the world. I've worked with people from nearly every English-speaking country around the globe, and this has taught me that, though we may speak the same language and look similar, our cultures are certainly not the same. I've also gotten to know people from other Asian countries. Being in jobs where foreignness is a part of the work has helped me get to know a far greater diversity of people than I ever would had I remained in the U.S.

I will miss being exposed to such a broad range of interesting people.

Won't Miss #110 - hello, goodbye, gaijin friends

One unavoidable aspect of being a foreigner who stays in Japan for a long time is that other foreigners are almost certainly not going to be here as long as you. There's a veritable revolving door of people who you get to know, get to like (or love), and who ultimately leave for their home pastures. While it certainly is possible to keep such friendships alive over the distance, ultimately it is never the same. More often than not, the friendship eventually withers like a neglected plant as going your separate ways means you have less and less in common. While people do move on and around back home, it doesn't happen with the same certainty or frequency as it does here, and your interests don't diverge quite so sharply or rapidly.

I won't miss making friendships which I know will end sooner rather than later.