Random Thoughts: Where I go from here

As of yesterday, I finished my 1000 things, 500 good points and 500 bad points. There were times when I thought I would not make it, and times when I was certain that I would. In terms of the full content, I'd say that I'm not happy with some, but am mostly happy with the vast majority of my posts. As Dave Barry used to say, and I paraphrase, 'they can't all be gems'. Not every post is an earth-shattering observation or an exploration of a nook and cranny of life in Japan that is of optimal interest, but that's not what this was all about.

What this was all about was remembering my time in Japan and doing so in a way which was more meaningful than an album of pictures from a trip to Mt. Fuji (which I never went to, incidentally) or a vague recollection of a certain experience years after it had occurred. It was about details of my experience, warts and all, as well as processing and reflecting on them in a personally meaningful way. It was about pausing in the sleepwalk I did through that life and taking careful notes of what was around me and how I felt before I left that environment and lost the luxury to do so.

In terms of where I go from here, I have no intentions of stopping this blog, though I clearly cannot continue to churn out new content at the same rate as I have in terms of stacking on more new "things". Obviously, I've been mulling this over for some time as the end drew near and my plan is as follows:

1. I will be adding in new posts as the ideas come to me. The truth is that there are still ideas in the buffer that have not been used. While the last 4 posts were written a very long time ago in anticipation of the end and the way in which I wanted to round out my 1000 posts, there are little things that never got into the mix for various reasons (usually, the fact that I could not locate a photo that had an even limited connection to the topic). Those things will be added on, as will new ones that come to mind through time. 
2. I will be opening up all posts to comments conditional on people making ones in a respectful way. People don't have to be positive toward me, but I have zero tolerance for snotty, nasty, angry people who just want to prove something or treat me like their personal stress relief punching bag. If you've got something to say, say it, but pretend I'm your boss and you have to behave in a civilized manner. Otherwise, my moderator (my husband, who screens all comments before I see them) will kick you to the curb. Don't see making a comment as a way of "getting" to me even if you don't get published. There's a protective layer between me and jerks with emotional issues. I hate that I have to say this, but early commenting experiences on this blog compel me to do so. 
3. I will be re-editing and re-posting past posts. That is, I will be re-reflecting on what I said a long time ago and adding in new ideas, possibly expanding the initial posts and going to a more long-form style with some of my old ideas. I'll also be using new photos in some cases. The purpose of this is three-fold. It will allow me to break out of the box I put myself in initially with short-form posting and it will permit me to reflect on how I felt while I was in Japan compared to how I feel now when I'm in America. Essentially, I'll be able to talk about whether or not I actually do miss those things now or whether my speculation was incorrect. It will also allow commenting on old posts (which I can't open for comments retro-actively on a macro level) so that those who wanted to say something when the topics first came up will now have the chance to do so. Again, see item "2". 
4. I will continue with "Random Memories" posts as long as I have things to share from my memory books from my earliest time in Japan. 

It's possible there will also be other surprises. Now that the "burden" I placed on myself to do an arbitrary number of posts is over, I can go anywhere I choose. It remains to be seen just where that might be, but I sincerely appreciate everyone who came along for the ride and anyone who chooses to keep going along with me. I really do appreciate that people take the time to read what I write, and hope you continue to enjoy whatever comes in the future.

Will Miss #500 - living abroad

When I first got on to Facebook and started connecting with my former classmates from elementary school and high school, they saw me in a particular fashion because I was living in a foreign country. Automatically, my life was more interesting and everything I talked about was more exotic, even when I was talking about things which were present in American culture as well. The idea of living abroad imparts a sense of circumstances being "special", both to those viewing that life and those living that life. It's an achievement of sorts to merely operate in that environment. It affords a sense of automatic "success" because every day you are accomplishing something merely by coping with the challenges of that culture.

I miss the experience and idea of living abroad, especially in the land of the rising sun, which is viewed as a difficult place to cope with compared to more European cultures. I miss what it meant to me personally and how it affected how I was viewed by those not living in that culture.

Won't Miss #500 - being a "gaijin"

While living in the United States, I am just a person. While living in Japan, I was turned into a "gaijin". This is an identity that was assigned to me by the Japanese and is given to everyone who does not suit the definition of "Japanese".  Even people who are actually Japanese, but don't look it, are given this identity. I've spent the last 23 years of my life being defined by my "otherness" . It has made me feel less than human and objectified for a very long time. There is no pride in being a gaijin and there certainly is no community support among foreigners for the difficulties involved in being slotted into this identity (as my many posts about the negative attitudes toward foreigners by other foreigners illustrates). There is only the feeling that you are an outsider.

I won't miss being a gaijin and, by coming home, I'm starting to feel like "just" a person again. 

Will Miss #499 - something to write about

I have yet to write about foot monkeys, but you can't cover everything... not even in 1000 posts.

One of my students aspired to be a writer. In fact, she had been trying to change her work from salesperson to something in the publishing industry for quite some time. The only problem was that she was a writer who didn't write. I encouraged her to blog, because you can hone your craft through writing one, but she said she couldn't think of what to say or write about. Many people have the same problem. They blog anyway, but they really have nothing to say so they go around reading what other people write in articles or say on their blogs and comment on it.

I am a writer, and I write about what I think (and I think a lot) and experience. The perspective I gained from living as an outsider as well as the experiences I had were invaluable in stimulating my written work. Living in Japan gave me a wealth of opportunity to express my voice uniquely on topics which not everyone experiences in the manner in which I do, and I'll miss that.

Won't Miss #499 - no sense of "home"

This shirt actually has nothing to do with the topic of this post, but the graphic fits. 

One of the hardest things about living in Japan was knowing that it was not and never could be my "home". Sure, I could have applied for Japanese citizenship or residency. I might even have been granted the latter, but Japanese culture is not one which accepts occidental faces as Japanese. It doesn't matter what passport you hold. I would never belong and I would never feel as if I was rooted because there would be a sense of not fitting in. It is said that "home is where the heart is," but my heart could never be seen as Japanese. Home is where you are always welcome and you feel that you belong. I couldn't say either of these of my time in Japan. Perhaps I would have felt differently had I been married to a Japanese person and integrated with a family on that level, but that just was not my particular destiny.

I was always the puzzle piece that did not fit with the others and therefore I knew I did not and could not ever belong. I won't miss the sense that I could never feel that Japan was truly my "home".

Random Memories #13

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I'm not sure, but outside of die-hard hoarders, I'm probably the only person on the planet with 24-year-old flyers from fast food places. It is a testimonial to my sense in 1987 that anything with Japanese writing on it was "neat" and therefore worth keeping. Well, it's also a reflection of the fact that anything my future husband sent me was something to be treasured and added to my enormous scrapbooks.

This Pizza Hut flyer lists a host of cities on the left to make it clear what an international business Pizza Hut is. I'm sure that they meant it as a reflection of their sophistication, much as major department stores list their branches in London, Paris, New York, and, of course, Tokyo. It comes across as a bit strange because it's not like fast food outlets aren't located in every major city. McDonald's could do a bang-up ad listing all of the major cities it appears in. Actually, they'd have to publish one the size of a phone book to cover all of their bases.

It seems clear from this flyer that Pizza Hut was positioning itself as a more elegant pizza option as compared to the other dregs like Pizza-la, Domino's, and Shakey's. The stalks and grains of wheat in the picture also seem to be saying, "natural" or "wholesome". This marketing was done well before KFC bought out Pizza Hut and the look and feel of the place was rather different than it is now.

I've read that Pizza Hut started in Japan in 1973, but when my boyfriend sent me this flyer, it was not a common eatery in Tokyo. He was delighted to find one, but I don't think he ate there more than once because it was rather expensive. At present, the situation for Pizza Hut has changed because there are no sit-down restaurants for it in Tokyo. In 1987, there must have been at least one that you could go to and eat in as the flyer mentions a salad bar. I'm not sure at what point they vanished, but all of the Pizza Huts in Tokyo are now delivery or pick-up only. I guess that means their attempt to establish themselves as an elegant international eatery must have failed.

Will Miss #498 - "only in Japan" moments

People love to post wacky pictures of strange things in Japan and then caption them as "only in Japan". However, there is strangeness all over the world and the main difference between what I saw there and what I see back home is not the look of the people and the type of pop cultural influence behind the funky self-presentation. For me, "only in Japan" has much more to do with individual acts and experiences which I doubt would happen elsewhere. It's about people who (generally tend to) wait patiently in long lines without cutting or shoving or how they slowly and gently lay something on your desk instead of smacking it down because they don't want to appear crude or disruptive. It's about how people apologize for things that aren't their fault and many, many more lovely (and not so lovely) things which I talk about in this blog.

A lot of the psychological elements of which I speak are what I think of as "only in Japan" moments, not the goofy, wacky shots of atypical people and things, and I'm going to miss those experiences which are deeply and quintessentially Japanese.

Won't Miss #498 - being called a parasite

I talk a little about my background in the "About Me" section, but that's hardly the full picture. For instance, I worked at a Japanese office, and part of that job was teaching. Another part was that I created textbooks. I not only wrote content, but I did desktop publishing. To that end, I taught myself how to use Adobe Photoshop, InDesign, and Illustrator. I not only learned them, but I did so very well and passed the test to be an A.C.E. What is more, I did everything at my own expense. I even used my own personal computer and scanner in the office because the company was too cheap to buy machines new enough to run professional software. My company benefited from money I spent, time I invested, and skills I cultivated for over a decade and they invested nothing. They paid me about 1400 yen an hour for my time in the office, and that was it.

I also paid taxes in Japan and have contributed (literally) tens of thousands of dollars to the Japanese National Health insurance system. I barely used that system beyond routine dental care and two surgeries (which I paid 1/3 of so I know that I paid for many times over the cost of the treatment) and received nothing but rudimentary social services (e.g., trash pick-up). I have never received one yen in social welfare from the Japanese government. I have done work people wanted and provided services they were happy to pay for, yet I have been called "a leech", "a mooch" and "a parasite". I am labeled so because I worked in the English language industry. For some people, the yardstick for measuring my value in Japanese society was based solely on the extent to which I use Japanese language in my work or daily life.

I won't miss being called a parasite because I don't measure up to an extremely limited notion of what constitutes a person or life of value that is applied only to foreigners in Japan.

Will Miss #497 - reminders of shared humanity

No matter what your nationality, Martians will be happy to eat your head. It's a nightmare we all share.

Whether we realize it or not, we spend a lot of our time awake but "sleepwalking" through life. We're not aware of what is going on around us, particularly when we're not making a conscious effort to scrutinize our surroundings. One aspect of visiting a foreign country as a tourist is that you tend to pay more attention. An aspect of living in one is that you can find yourself eventually going back to the same sort of sleepwalking you did back home. Ironically, I have found that when I'm walking around Tokyo and have a sensory experience which is the same as one back home, it "wakes me up". If I walked by a "coin laundry" in Tokyo, and smelled that familiar smell that I experienced when walking by laundromats back home, I was pulled fully into the moment and out of my waking sleepwalk.

These moments always made me think of the fact that Japanese and American people exist in very different life "tapestries", but sometimes we have the exact same threads running through them. This is a reminder of shared humanity through the minutiae of daily life, and I'll miss that.

Won't Miss #497 - open office plans

One of the cool things about teaching in Japan? No open office plan (usually)... though my husband's second job did have such a style. The noise was awful. This was one of the cubicles I taught in at my last job in Tokyo. Ah, luxury!

I can't speak for offices around the world because I only have experience with two countries - America and Japan. In the U.S., most people work in a private office or a cubicle with partitions on 3 sides. I can't say why this is done, but I've always believed it was to avoid distraction, control noise, and offer privacy. It's a lot harder for your coworkers to interrupt you if they have to get up from their desk and walk around your walls or through your office door than if they can just speak to you across a desk or two. You also get muted sound from their phones and work habits.

In Japan, it is most common to use what is called an "open office plan". That is when there is one big room and the whole staff for a section (or even a company) has desks next to and/or facing one another. This style is cheaper and allows companies to move employees around and cram others in at a whim. It is also a style which has a negative impact on productivity and creates more stress for employees. Most people hate this, but the overwhelming majority of Japanese companies use this style. They say it builds their team spirit, but the truth is that it's about keeping an eye on people and saving money. What was worst about my personal experiences with such plans was that they were horribly cramped. You weren't only operating in a barrage of stimuli and experiencing a plethora of interruptions, but you were crammed in like sardines.

I hated the open office plans in Japan and I absolutely will not miss them. 

Random Memories #12

One of the only good things about having had a boyfriend in Japan while I suffered the difficulties of a long distance relationship was that the gifts were awesome. More than one of my female friends expressed envy and outright jealousy at what they saw as the opportunity afforded me by his location, especially in regards to KISS collectibles.The funny thing was that I was less interested in the KISS items than I was in Japanese stuff, including robes and those oh-so-well-known T-shirts with funny sayings. That is not to say that I didn't love the KISS junk that I got. In fact, I had the best collection ever because my boyfriend could only show his love with cassettes of him talking, written correspondence and gifts. One of the easiest options in terms of gifts was those collectibles.

For my first birthday, my future husband gave me a shirt which said "lusty members club" (among other things). That wasn't the last shirt that I got, and many of those early shirts are ones that we still quote to this day. One of our favorites had the line, "beat his monkey ass until it ain't no fun." Another, less obvious one was, "Use Venus Soap, It Saves Rubbing." My future husband said that we never used said soap because the rubbing was the funnest part. That's the sort of talk that made me fall in love with him.

At the top of this post is a tag from one of the funny shirts my then-boyfriend sent me. The tags were as good as the shirts. The back of the tag, just above this paragraph, shows the size as "F". That's as in "free" size. I'm not sure what size "free" was, but I guess it was supposed to fit nearly any Japanese physique. I didn't see any shirts using this sizing system near the end of my time in Japan, which may mean I didn't look hard enough or they had changed over to the S, M, L, and LL system which seems more common these days.

The odd thing about the "Engrish" shirts is that they got a lot less funny as time went on. There were fewer of them, and they were less nonsensical. I'm not sure why that should be. Maybe I just didn't go to the right stores as I got older, or maybe the English in Japan really did get better. At any rate, I do have fond memories of those shirts, and wish I hadn't worn them all until they completely fell apart.

Will Miss #496 - furoshiki

A personalized furoshiki, given to me by a student as a goodbye gift. The paper is instructions on how to tie this beautiful cloth.

I remember watching cartoons when I was a kid which showed a hobo walking around with his bindle tied to a stick. The hobo, as someone who lacked funds, used this little folded up bit of cloth to carry his possessions. This was back in the days before we could buy cheap backpacks and there were plastic bags being tossed in our faces every time we made a purchase. 

A furoshiki, is an elegant form of a bindle, though it is usually used to wrap and carry boxes (especially bento) or as a lovely gift-wrappings. I received two sets of personalized chopsticks from what must have been expensive shops wrapped in furoshik, as well as a furoshiki with my name on it in Japanese and I'm grateful for these memorable items. These were my last experiences in Japan with these bits of cloth, but my first ones came when office ladies at my former company would use these to carry their lunches, though more often than not, people just opted for a plastic bag. On those rare occasions that I did see these, they reminded me that Japanese culture was once not only thrifty, but also that there were these ways of doing things which were beautifully executed and taught through generations. They did this not only for special things like gifts, but also just for their own daily use. It reflected how old and developed Japanese culture is as well as their well-known attention to detail.

I'll miss seeing furoshiki, both as wrapping as in gift stores, but especially because of what their use said about Japanese culture.