When I was working for a correspondence school, we spent most of our days either correcting the homework that was sent in or conducting five-minute telephone lessons. When we were in a non-busy period, we wrote and made textbooks and other learning materials. One of the things my boss and I made was a guide to how to shake hands. Part of my work was drawing transparencies that illustrated the various types of "bad" handshakes and, as the final slide, a "good" handshake.
Somewhere in my archives, I have drawings of these types of typical Japanese bad shakes. They were the "dead fish" (limp and weak), the "bone crusher" (too hard by a mile), the politician (grabbing the other person's hand) and the finger shake (offering only two fingers). In group orientations, we'd often go out of our way to teach people precisely how to shake because they were often so bad at it. Even my private students had to be taught how to offer their hand, how many times to shake, how to grip, and when to release before taking part in interviews.
I don't miss the uncomfortable handshakes that I used to receive in Japan from people who believed that their way of greeting (bowing) was so sophisticated that they needed a detailed and explicit guide, but assumed that our way was so simple that they could just wing it.
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Agh! I hate the limp handshake. I don't often get the bone crusher. I like a nice firm shake. I remember going to a church with my uncle, he was giving a talk to the congregation. So after his talk I followed him around being introduced to members of the congregation; hating every moment. Most of the ladies had these limp, cold, clammy shakes.
ReplyDeleteMy former boss (who is an Aussie) said that he tended to get the bone crusher more from men. I think they are afraid to shake women's hands firmly. I think women may be afraid of appearing too aggressive!
DeleteI'm with you though. I hate those limp shakes! (That was what we called "the dead fish".)
This is so true! One woman I knew would always shake my hand when she saw me and didn't know when to let go so we would just be standing there holding hands for a little while, lol.
ReplyDeleteOne of my former students expressed confusion on this point and really did want to know how long to shake and let go. She was relieved to be told it's one-two-three release. I think people really don't know and it does create awkwardness!
DeleteThis is not directly related, and I don't mean to be rude, but I noticed that in quite a few public restrooms, soap was not available. I started carrying it with me, but I saw many women just rinse their hands with water..? Do you know why this is? Perhaps this contributes to the awkward handshaking..?
ReplyDeleteHi, and thanks for your comment, Dragon Girl. I can assure you that this is not related to the handshake issue. They simply do not know how it's done because it's not a part of their culture. I only found soap missing in very specific places (parks or other not particularly well-maintained public restrooms). However, things may be different outside of Tokyo and I may have seen fewer places which had only water outside of the urban center and suburbs.
DeleteI did not find that Japanese people seemed especially concerned about contaminating others with their germs. There was far too much public nose-picking and other types of unhygienic behavior for me to believe they were squeamish.
Ah, I see. We did spend quite a bit of time outside of Tokyo. We also went to many shrines and temples. Someone suggested that perhaps some places could not afford to offer soap. I suppose visiting so many places like that gave me an incorrect impression. Thank you for responding!
DeleteAs someone who occasionally has sweaty hands and hates to inflict it on other people during a handshake, I've probably been guilty of giving a limp handshake. I personally find it's unpleasant to shake a clammy hand and assume everyone else thinks the same, hence I tend to make as little effort to grip the other person's hand as possible to minimize contact. On the other hand, when my hands are dry, I give a normal firm handshake. I can't speak for everyone, but that could be a reason for a 'dead fish' shake!
ReplyDeleteIt could be, though I can say that I'd rather have a firm shake from a cold clammy hand than a limp one! I'm not sure that gripping lightly insulates me from the sweaty hands at any rate and it really intensifies the "dead fish" feeling if it's cold and wet! ;-)
DeleteThank you for your insight though. I appreciate that!